Rewriting the Narrative: How an “Effective List” Can Help You Hold On in Hard Times

There are moments in life when everything feels heavy. Days when the negatives are so loud, it’s hard to remember that good things have ever existed. During these times, your mind can become a filter that only lets in the hard, the hurtful, and the hopeless. And yet, buried beneath that noise, there’s often a quieter truth: you’ve been through difficult things before. You’ve found joy before. You’ve made decisions that were hard but necessary. And those truths matter. These are your effective lists.

One simple yet powerful tool that can support your resilience during tough times is keeping an “Effective List.” This list can live in a journal, on the Notes app of your phone, or anywhere you’ll remember to look. The point is not to pretend everything is great when it isn’t. It’s to offer your brain an anchor—something solid to hold on to when the waters get rough.

Why We Need Effective Lists

The brain is designed to keep us safe, which means it’s constantly scanning for threats. This built-in negativity bias helped our ancestors avoid danger, but today it can cause our brains to over-focus on what’s going wrong. You could receive ten compliments and one criticism, and what’s the one thing your mind replays all day? The critique.

There’s also something called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). Think of it like a filter that tells your brain what to notice. If you start looking for red cars, you’ll suddenly see them everywhere. If you start believing nothing ever works out for you, your brain will start scanning the environment for all the reasons that belief is true.

But here’s the good news: this works both ways. If you start feeding your mind a different narrative, even a small one, the RAS begins to notice that, too. When you make a list of things that have gone well, decisions you’re proud of, or moments that brought joy, you are giving your brain new material to work with. And that helps restore balance.

What Goes on an Effective List?

The beauty of this tool is that it’s deeply personal. Your list should reflect your life, your needs, and the truths you want to remember when everything feels like it’s falling apart. Here are some examples to consider:

• Why I Broke Up With My Ex
  When you’re tempted to romanticize a relationship that was harmful or just not right, this list can remind you of your clarity and your reasons. It’s not about bitterness—it’s about holding on to your growth.
• Things That Make Me Happy
  This might include warm coffee on a chilly morning, the sound of your dog’s paws on the floor, the feel of clean sheets, or the way your best friend laughs. These may seem small, but they are the very things that tether us to the present moment and offer support.
• Moments I Felt Strong
  Think about times you got through something you thought you couldn’t, or when you stood up for yourself even though it was uncomfortable. These are reminders of your resilience.
• What I’ve Learned From Hard Things
  Even pain can lead to insight. Maybe heartbreak taught you to value your voice. Maybe a job loss helped you finally rest. These lessons can become a map for future healing.
• People Who Support Me
  It’s easy to feel alone when things are hard. Listing even one or two people who truly see you can help reframe that feeling.

You can also get more creative with your lists. Write about “Things I Want to Experience Again,” “Reasons I’m Proud of Myself,” or “What I’ve Already Survived.”

Why It Works

When you write and review these lists, you are doing more than just remembering good things—you are shifting the way your brain operates. Instead of ruminating on failure or fear, your brain starts collecting evidence for hope, support, and growth.

This doesn’t mean you stop acknowledging the hard stuff. In fact, naming what’s difficult is part of the process. But pairing that awareness with something positive offers balance. It says, yes, this is hard… and here’s what else is true.

You are also strengthening what’s known as emotional resilience—the ability to recover from stress and setbacks. This is not about bouncing back instantly but learning how to hold space for your whole story: the hurt and the healing, the despair and the hope.

Making It a Practice

Start simple. Pick one list that feels meaningful to you today and jot down five things. Keep the tone honest. These don’t have to be big or poetic. Just true.

When you’re in a calmer space, consider building a few different lists so you have them ready when a tough moment strikes. You might keep a journal for this, or a section in your phone’s notes labeled “Read This When I’m Struggling.”

When you revisit your lists regularly, you strengthen the neural pathways that promote balance and wellness. You teach your brain that life is more than pain. There is also joy. There is growth. There is support.

Final Thoughts

There will always be times when the negative feels overwhelming. That’s part of being human. But you don’t have to stay stuck in that space. With intention and small acts of remembering, you can shift the story your mind tells.

And sometimes, all it takes is a list.

Because your past strength, your quiet joys, your proud moments—they’re not gone. They’re just waiting to be remembered.